The biggest obstacle for adults in talking to young people is not a lack of will but uncertainty, according to a new survey from Novus. One in three adults finds it difficult to talk to young people about mental health. At the same time, young people often want to be listened to.
Johanna Östergren is a conversational therapist specializing in children and young people. She provides concrete tips for parents who are faced with the not always easy task of getting in touch with their soon-to-be teenager or young adult.
"It's very important to spend time with your child, to show love and appreciation. Be there even when the child may not want to talk, and back off when necessary," she says.
Ask open questions
It's good to ask open questions, but sometimes you have to accept that you won't get answers.
For example, make it a habit to ask "How was your day?" and "Did anything special happen?" Be transparent and honest about how you've been feeling. This opens up the door to talking about things and signals that there is equality between children and parents.
If you receive an answer you don't like, it's important to respond to it in the right way, instead of reacting with anger and judgment.
Listen - don't judge
It is very important that adults listen and do not judge. You can ask permission: "Can I give you a tip?" If you get a no, you have to respect that and back off. And saying "what did I say" is not good - it closes doors, she says.
At the same time, it is important not to withhold all of your own feelings from the child. As an adult, sharing your successes and failures without giving too many details makes the parent's state of mind understandable to the child.
But you shouldn't be limitless, Östergren emphasizes.
Apologize
Last but not least, as a parent, it's important to be humble and back off if you notice that you've crossed a line.
Sometimes mistakes happen - and then you should apologize.
Many young people struggle with worry, sleep problems and anxiety, according to the Novus survey. Sometimes as a parent it can be difficult to know when you should be seriously concerned about your child's well-being.
If you are really concerned, you should take action and seek professional help, says Johanna Östergren.
76 percent of adults surveyed by Novus believe it is important to dare to ask young people how they are doing. Despite this, only 31 percent ask young people in their area how they are doing at least once a week.
One in three adults finds it difficult to talk to young people, for fear of saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse.
At the same time, young people want empathetic, present and non-judgmental adults. However, 53 percent of young people say that they rarely or never talk to anyone about how they are feeling, and 67 percent of young men say that they do not talk to an adult about how they are feeling.
The survey was conducted by Novus on behalf of the movement "Sweden's largest manifestation for young people's mental health", a collaboration between 42 organizations. 1,100 people responded to the survey, which was conducted from November 27 to December 5 this year.
