Boys have traditionally been valued more highly than girls in China, which led to many abortions of female fetuses during the years when only one child per family was allowed. Now, ten years after the one-child policy ended, the country is struggling with an aging population and a large surplus of men.
At the beginning of the 2020s, according to official statistics, there were nearly 35 million more men than women in the giant country.
Big gaps
Now, the competition for women has become tougher in the dating market. The fact that many women see marriage as a chance to gain a higher socio-economic status makes it difficult for many men. For those who do not have a high status, it can be difficult to find a wife.
If a woman's ambition is to get married, it is the men who earn the least, who have the least education and perhaps have less well-off parents who are left out, says Lisa Eklund, associate professor of sociology at Lund University, who, among other things, researches population issues in China.
The problem is also that there are large gaps in society, Lisa Eklund points out. Women have a worse position in the labor market and getting married then becomes extra important. Another dimension of the enormous gaps is that large parts of the countryside do not offer tolerable living conditions. This leads to many women choosing to move from the countryside, which creates a deficit of women there. At the same time, housing prices in the cities are sky-high and most men from the countryside will never come close to being able to buy a home there.
“Work harder”
The documentary film “The Dating Game” is about the Chinese dating coach Hao and his clients. He is described as one of the country’s most popular coaches and claims to have 3,000 clients. In the film, three men are helped with how to look, behave and other strategies to attract women. The film describes the insecurity, hope and despair of the young men in their search for a wife.
In the film, delivery boy Wu, 27, who found dating coach Hao on TikTok, is asked by his nephew why he is not married.
"No one wants to marry me," he says.
"Work harder then," she replies.
If you have a good job, you can find a girl to marry you.
And there may be something to the child's harsh response. Because even though Wu works many hours a day, he earns little, and he doesn't have time to go on a date, he says in the film.
He's not alone. Many men work hard to improve their chances and become more attractive in the marriage market and in the dating world, and it becomes a bit of a vicious cycle.
These young men work completely unreasonable hours to earn as much money as possible, so they don't have time to date, says Lisa Eklund.
“Theoretical level”
Since 2021, three children per family are allowed in China, but that decision has not led to any major increase in the birth rate. Now the Chinese state wants to increase childbearing, but then people also need to form couples.
There is a perception that women's value would increase because they are fewer in number, as if it were a question of supply and demand. It is true to a certain extent that demographically there are more men to choose from and that women have more choices. But it is also a truth with a modification, because even if there are many more men, it is not the case that all men are possible partners for a woman, says Lisa Eklund.
Many women dream of romance and a partner with whom they share interests and values. They want to find a soulmate, someone to share life with. But then we have this more material thing – that many want a man who can offer a good standard. So to some extent women's choice increases, but almost on a theoretical level I would say.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
At the same time, the status of women in China has declined to some extent. This has to do with the fact that it is seen as a duty for women to marry and have children. This has led to discrimination in the labor market becoming worse, because it is believed that women should prioritize having children.
There is also research that shows that some Chinese men are so set in their ways that if you don't have an apartment, a good job, an education or something else that really stands out, you are worthless on the marriage market. It can become like a self-fulfilling prophecy, says Lisa Eklund.
They don't believe in themselves and then they withdraw and end the relationship for that reason. The idea of a surplus of men and a deficit of women has thus begun to live a life of its own.
China's population increased sharply from half a billion in 1949 to one billion in 1980. To curb the enormous population increase, the government under Deng Xiaoping introduced the one-child policy in 1979.
According to the government, the policy has prevented 400 million births and kept the population down, which today stands at just over 1.4 billion.
The one-child policy has led to sex-selective abortions and the murder of little girls, as many couples preferred sons. Forced sterilizations and forced abortions have also been carried out as a result of the one-child policy.
In 2013, the Chinese government relaxed the one-child policy, allowing some urban couples to have two children. If one of the parents was an only child, the couple was allowed to have two children. Previously, rural couples had been allowed to have two children if the first child was a girl.
In 2015, the one-child policy was abolished and replaced with a two-child policy. In 2021, it was decided that three children per family would be allowed, but this has not led to any significant increase in births.
