The past few nights she has only slept a few hours. The thoughts are grinding. Nour knows what it's like in al-Mawasi, the so-called humanitarian zone where Israel plans to forcibly relocate around one million inhabitants of Gaza City. Last time her children lost weight, one of them got a rash.
It's not humanitarian. How am I going to cope with it again? Living in a tent without water, medicine, without a toilet and washing facilities?
But rather live in a tent than die.
When the Israelis say they're going to do something, they do it, notes Nour.
Her real name is something else and TT is aware of her identity, but has anonymized her for security reasons.
Selling the last piece of jewelry
The bombs are falling closer now. The windows were already broken so she had fixed them with nylon, but the other day the blast wave was so strong that the glass panes shattered.
The other day they attacked a tent near our house. I heard the crying, people shouting for help. I did nothing. Why didn't I do anything? I don't know. I just feel helpless.
The decision is made. If Israel has not approved the proposed ceasefire on the negotiating table by Saturday at the latest, she will sell her last piece of jewelry and flee with the children. But her husband is hesitant. He is worried about his parents and other relatives, old and sick, who cannot walk.
I'm trying to persuade him. This time they won't leave anyone alive in Gaza City.
"Hates Hamas"
For the three sons, seemingly trivial things become vital. The middle child, who is in his tenth year, started crying when he realized he would only be able to take two sweaters to al-Mawasi – that his entire life would have to be packed into a small backpack and carried on foot.
At least they don't own any toys that they have to leave behind, notes Nour.
Every day – some days every hour – the children ask when they can leave Gaza.
If the border opens, I'm the first to leave. Honestly, I have no energy left. We can't take this anymore.
For Hamas, she has no sympathy. Friends who previously supported the Islamist regime feel the same. There has been a clear shift, she says.
I hate Hamas. I hate Fatah, I hate all Palestinian factions. I'm just a person who wants to live in peace.
